Put yourself in this scenario: you’ve noticed one of your team members shuts down during meetings. Another reacts defensively to feedback. Someone else hesitates to speak up, even though you know they have something valuable to contribute.
A leader observing behaviors like these might feel frustrated or confused. It would be easy to explain them away by thinking, “they’re disengaged,” “they’re resistant to feedback,” or “they’re lacking confidence.”
But the truth is that behavior rarely tells the whole story. There’s likely a lot going on underneath what you see.
Behind every reaction, hesitation, or communication style is a deeper narrative shaped by things like identity, past experiences, cultural norms, and personal history. And when you pause long enough to consider that story, your ability to lead with empathy expands dramatically.
Empathy and perspective-taking are more than just nice-to-have soft skills. They’re essential leadership capabilities that can strengthen trust, improve communication, and create healthier teams.
Behavior Is Just the Tip of the Iceberg
Sometimes it’s worth remembering that what you observe at work is only part of a much bigger picture. Like an iceberg, people’s behavior sits above the surface. When you dig deeper, you’ll find many layers that influence how someone shows up:
- Cultural norms and values
- Personal identity and lived experiences
- Perceived successes and failures (both personal and professional)
- Team dynamics or sense of psychological safety
- Past interactions with leadership
Two people might respond very differently to the same situation because of any of these underlying factors.
Take, for example, a team member who used to work in a highly critical environment. That experience may trigger defensiveness when they receive feedback, even if you deliver it more constructively. (You might also see behavior like this from high achievers, who tend to place a lot of pressure on themselves.)
Without empathy or curiosity, you might interpret these behaviors as performance issues. With empathy and better perspective-taking, you might ask a different question: What could be influencing this person’s experience right now?
Empathy Begins with Curiosity
Leadership doesn’t require you to have all the answers. In fact, it often starts with recognizing that you don’t.
Perspective-taking is the practice of intentionally stepping outside of your own assumptions and considering how someone else might be experiencing the same situation. Instead of reacting, empathetic leaders slow down and become curious. They ask:
- What pressures might this person be carrying, and where have those pressures come from?
- What experiences have shaped how they interpret feedback or respond to conflict?
- What do they need from me to feel more supported?
Curiosity opens the door to understanding, and understanding can shift your leadership in positive ways.
The Impact of Perspective-Taking
When you develop the habit of perspective-taking, a few important things happen:
Communication improves
When people feel understood, they’re more open to dialogue, feedback, and collaboration.
Trust grows
Empathy helps you signal that you care about the person, not just their output or performance.
Conflict becomes more productive
Perspective-taking can help you uncover the root causes of a disagreement and work through it more productively.
People feel psychologically safer
Team members are more likely to share ideas, concerns, and points of view when they feel respected.
In many ways, empathy makes up the difference between managing and leading. This work we do isn’t just about cultivating authority, but about creating the conditions for your whole team to thrive.
A Simple Reflection Practice for Leaders
Like many leadership skills, developing empathy starts with a bit of self-awareness and reflection. The next time someone’s behavior confounds you, pause and ask yourself:
- What assumptions am I making?
- What experiences might be influencing how this person is reacting?
- What question could I ask that would help me better understand their perspective?
These questions can help you dive beneath the surface for better understanding.
Coaching Leaders to See the Whole Person
At Transitions Coaching, we help leaders build the awareness and relational skills needed to navigate leadership more effectively. If you’re ready to expand your awareness of others and reveal the real stories shaping your team’s behaviors, we’d love to connect.
